Clever Juan

Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle.
He's got two large bags over his shoulders. The guard stops him and says,"What's in the bags?"
"Sand," answers Juan.
The guard says,"We'll just see about that. Get off the bike."
The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand.He detains Juan overnight and has the sand analyzed,only to discover that there is nothing in the bags. The guard releases Juan,puts the sand into new bags,hefts them onto the man's shoulders,and lets him cross the border.

A week later, the same thing happens.The guard asks, "What have you got?" "Sand," says Juan.The guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to Juan,who crosses the border on his bicycle. This sequence of events is repeated every week for three years. Finally, Juan doesn't show up one day and the guard meets him in a cantina in Mexico. "Hey, Buddy," says the guard, "I know you are smuggling something. It's driving me crazy. It's all I think about. I can't sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?"

Juan sips his beer and says, "Bicycles."

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Why does the Turtle try to fly?

Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground.

The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts. Finally, the female bird turned to her mate.

"Dear," she chirped, "I think it's time to tell him he's adopted."

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IT Twins

This pic has been doing the rounds of all software companies lately :-)

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Easy Ways to Fail an Exam

See and download the full gallery on posterous

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Posterous just got better than ever

Seems like our favourite blogging platform got a face lift (in the 'Manage' section) and a few cool features too!

Techcrunch has already blogged about the new features and there seems to be a lot of tweets I can see on twitter regarding the changes.

A glance at the Manage section quickly tells me the number of subscribers to my posterous, the number of posts as well as the total number of site views.

Apart from the facelift to the Manage section, the most important and significant development is the ability to allow your friends (read multiple authors) as editors of your blog!

Apart from this, posterous now also allows you to register multiple blogs using the same account. This is one feature I've been long waiting for. Great going guys :-)

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This may or may not put a smile on your face

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China Man and Steven Spielberg

A Chinese walks into a bar in America late one night and he sees Steven Spielberg.

As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.

Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says,

"You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbour, get outta here."

 The astonished Chinese man replied,

"It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbour, it was the Japanese".

 "Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg.

In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says,

"You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship."

Shocked, Spielberg replies, "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me."

 

The Chinese replies,

"Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same."

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Embarrassing Situation

A very shy young man goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting alone.
 

After an hour he gathers enough courage to go and ask her,

"Er... excuse me, but would you mind if I sat here beside you?"

She responds in a loud voice :

 
"NO, I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!"

 
Everyone in the bar turns to stare at them.

The young man is surprised, shocked and embarrassed and goes back to his table.

 
After a few minutes the woman walks over to him smiles, apologizes, and says,

"You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."

 

The young man responds loudly with,

 

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN FIVE THOUSAND RUPEES. FOR ONE NIGHT ?!  THAT'S TOO MUCH !"

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Interesting comments

Marriages are made in heaven, then what are made in Hell?
Ans : the days after marriage

During Marriage ceremony why is the bridegroom is made to sit on the horse ?
He is given his last chance to run away.

I wrote your name on the sand,
it got washed away,
I wrote your name in air,
it got blown away,
So i wrote your name in my heart,
I got a HEART ATTACK


LOVE is like a CIGAR
It starts with a fire..... continues with smoke.....and ends in ashes...
But don't worry - we are chain smokers

ur smile can be compared to a flower
ur voice can be compared to a cuckoo
ur innocence to a child
but in stupidity
u have no comparison
u r the best
The human brain is most outstanding thing.......
it functions 24hrs 365 days.....
it functions right from the time u r Born....

until you fall in love

A cigarette shortens your life by 2 min..
A beer shortens your life by 4 min..
A working day shortens your life by 8 hours!!!!..

Teacher : U are a failure! At your age Bill gates stood first in the class
Student : Mind u, Sir, but at your age Hitler committed suicide

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Men always have better friends

Men always have better friends.

 
They will stand by you, no matter what. 

 
 
Here's an example:-

 
 
 
Friends of Women:

A wife was not at home for a whole night.
 
So she tells her husband the very next morning,
 
that she stayed at her (girl) friend's apartment overnight.
 
So the husband calls 10 of her best (girl) friends and
 
none of them confirmed that she was with them.

 
 
 
Friends of Men:

A husband was not at home for a whole night.
 
So he tells his wife the very next morning,
 
that he stayed at his friend's apartment over night.
 
So the wife calls 10 of his best friends and 5 of them confirmed that
 
he stayed at their apartments that night and
 
another 5 claimed that he is still with them!!

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Nice way to reduce weight

One fat guy - sees an ad guaranteeing to reduce anyone's weight by 5, 10 or 20 kilograms on the first day.

So he goes and tells them he wants to lose 5 kg.

They lead him into a huge gym with all kinds of ropes and parallel bars and ladders and tell him to wait a minute.

He's standing there when on the far side of the gym a door opens and out steps a beautiful blond girl, with a sign saying " If you catch me, I'm yours ."

He starts running, and just as he gets close, she starts picking up speed.

Before he knows it, he's running all over the gym, up the ladders, down the ladders, across the parallel bars, here and there.

And just as he's about to catch the blond, pop, she disappears through a door.

In comes the management who lead him to the showers, and then weigh him.

Sure enough, he lost exactly 5 kg.

He's back on the street and starts to think.
" BOY , I was so close to catching her. If I had a little more time..."

So he races back to the gym and says, "I want to lose 20 more kg."

"No problem," says the manager.

Again he is led to the large gym. This time he's standing by the door.

When it opens out comes a Gorilla with a sign.
"If I catch you, you're mine."

 

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee………..

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Gmail security flaw exploited by hackers

Recently, I read an article where the author claimed that his domain was hacked and transferred to someone else and Gmail seems to be the culprit!

Apparently, the problem lies in the Filters that we have in Gmail. The hacker takes advantage of these filters...>>more>>.

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Long Prayer

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.

Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.

At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.

A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.

10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."

The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."

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Don't mess with them.

The FBI had an opening for an assassin.

 
After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists; two men and a woman.


For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.

"We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her!!"

The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife."
 
The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take yourwife and go home."
 
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes.  The man came out with tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can't kill my  wife."

The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and gohome."


Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room.

Shots were heard, one after another.  They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls.  After a few minutes, all was quiet.  The dooropened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow.

"This gun is loaded with blanks" she said.  "I had to beathim to death with the chair."

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Obedient Wife

 There was a man who had worked all his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real "miser" when it came to his money.

Just before he died, he said to his wife

"When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to  take my money to the afterlife with me."

And so he got his wife to promise him, with all of her heart, that when he died, she would put all of the money into the casket with him.

Well, he died.

He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there - dressed in black, and her friend was sitting next to her.  When they finished the ceremony, and just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said,

"Wait just a moment!"

She had a small metal box with her; she came over with the box  and put  it in the casket.

Then the undertakers locked the casket down and they rolled it away.

So her friend said,

"Girl, I know you were not fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband."

The loyal wife replied, "Listen, I cannot go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money into the casket with him."

"You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!?!?!?"

"I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account, and wrote him a cheque. If he can cash it, then he can spend it."

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Pricessless words!

A husband wakes up at home with a huge hangover.

He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table.

He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and

pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house.

He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table.

"Honey, breakfast is on the table, I left early to go grocery shopping.

Love You!"

Totally shocked with the note , he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper.

His son is also at the table, eating.

He asks, "Son, what happened last night?"

His son says, "Well, you came home around 3 AM, drunk and delirious.

Broke some crockery, puked in the hall, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door".

Confused, the man asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?

I should expect a big quarrel with her!"

His son replies, "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your clothes n shoes off, you said,

"LADY LEAVE ME ALONE! I'M MARRIED!"
 
 

Moral
Self-induced hangover - $ 400.00
Broken crockery - $ 800.00
Breakfast - $ 10.00
Saying the Right Thing While Drunk – "PRICELESS "
 
 
There are truly some things that both money and card  can't buy!

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Laws on girls

1.  If you think a girl is beautiful, she'll always have a boyfriend to confirm that.

2. The nicer she is, the quicker you will be dumped!!!!!

3. The more the makeup, worse the looks.

4. 95% of the girls in this world are beautiful. Remaining 5% would always be in your office.

5. The guy standing next to a beautiful girl can never be her brother.

6. If by any chance the girl you like, likes you too, she will let you know in about 10 years from now, when you are committed.

7. The more you ignore a girl, the more she'll want to be friends with you.

8. Theory of relativity :

The more you run towards a hot chick....the more she goes away from you...

9. Rule 1:

Even if you got her out alone, just when you are about to let her know about your feelings she will spot a long lost friend.

Corollary to rule 1:

The more desperate you are to tell your feelings to a girl on a private chat, the more probability the long lost friend she discovered is a handsome superman, who beats you in everything 9:1

10. The day the girl you really like comes and speaks to you will be the day when-

a. You are dressed badly

b. You forgot to brush your teeth for the first time in your life

c.Have a bad hair day

11. All the good girls are either nuns or married. The rest go around with you and ruin your money,health and leave you a total wreck.

12. The more seriously u like a girl, the more seriously her dad will hate you

13. The love you shower a girl with is directly proportional to the number of bullets her dad will be showering at you

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Truths Of Being SE

SE = Software Engineer

SSE = Senior Software Engineer

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Overconfidence !!!

It was the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher wasreceiving gifts from her pupils.

The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said,"I bet I know what it is. Flowers." "That's right!" the boysaid,

"But, how did you know?" "Oh, just a wild guess," she said.

The next pupil was the sweet shop owner's daughter. The teacher held her giftoverhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is. A box ofsweets."

"That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl. "Oh, justa wild guess," said the teacher.

The next gift was from the son of the liquor store owner. The teacher held thepackage overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop off the leakage withher finger and put it to her tongue. "Is it wine?" she asked.

"No," the boy replied, with some excitement. The teacher repeated theprocess, tasting a larger drop of the leakage. "Is it champagne?" sheasked.

"No," the boy replied, with more excitement. The teacher took onemore big taste before declaring, "I give up, what is it?"



With great glee, the boy replied, "It's a puppy!" 

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The Secret To A Happy Marriage

A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town. "What a peaceful & loving couple!" A local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.

"Well, it dates back to our honeymoon," explained the man. "We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down to the bottom on the canyon by horse. We hadn't gone too far when my wife's horse stumbled. My wife quietly said,

'That's once'."

"We proceeded a little further and the horse stumbled again.

Once more my wife quietly said,

'That's twice.'

"We hadn't gone a half-mile when the horse stumbled the third time.

My wife quietly removed a revolver from her purse and shot the horse dead.

"I started an angry protest over her treatment to the horse, while I was shouting; She looked at me, and quietly said,

'That's once'. "

"And we lived happily ever after."

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Man vs Woman

Alright, this is for all those ladies who have been complaining 

THE SILENT TREATMENT

A man and his wife werehaving some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.Suddenly, the man realized that the next day,he would need his wife to wake himat 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on apiece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM " He left it where he knewshe would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he hadmissed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn'twoken him up, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said,"It is 5:00 AM . Wake up."

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.


WIFE VS. HUSBAND

A couple drove down a countryroad for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to anargument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband askedsarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"

"Yep," the wife replied , " in-laws"

WOMEN'SREVENGE

"Cash, check orcharge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television setin her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come shoppingwith me,and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to himlegally."

W O R D S

A husband read an article tohis wife about how many words women use a day. 30,000 to a man's 15,000.

The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeateverything to men...

The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

CREATION

A man said to his wife one day,"I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the sametime.
" The wife responded, "Allow me to explain…..

God made mebeautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!

WHO DOESWHAT

A man and his wife werehaving an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.

The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then wedon't have to wait as long to get our coffee."

The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and youshould do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for mycoffee."

Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible thatthe man should do the coffee."

Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me." So she fetched theBible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages,that it indeed says ..........."HEBREWS"

God may have created man before woman, but remember, there isalways a rough draft before the masterpiece!!!

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One Liners

 1. I say no to alcohol, it just doesn't listen.

 

2. A friend in need is a pest indeed.

 

3. Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.

 

4. Work is fine if it doesn't take too much of your time.

 

5. When everything comes in your way you're in the wrong lane.

 

6. The light at the end of the tunnel may be an incoming train..

 

7. Born free, taxed to death.

 

8. Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.

 

9. Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first.

 

10. Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.

 

11. If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have troubleputting on

your pants.

 

12. It's not hard to meet expenses, they are everywhere.

 

13. I love being a writer... what I can't stand is the paperwork.

 

14. A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper trayand the

blinking red light.  

 

15. The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy whoinvented the

other three, he was the genius.

 

16. The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there toappreciate it.

 

17. In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?

 

18. If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you have one?

 

19. Beat the 5 O'clock rush, leave work at noon!

 

20. If you can't convince them, confuse them.

 

21. It's not the fall that kills you. It's the sudden stop at the end.

 

22. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

 

23. Hot glass looks same as cold glass. - Cunino's Law of Burnt Fingers

 

24. The cigarette does the smoking you are just the sucker.

 

25. Someday is not a day of the week

 

26. Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.

 

27. To Err is human, to forgive is not a Company policy.

 

28. The road to success.... Is always under construction.

 

29. Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you think again, neitherdoes Milk.

 

30. In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don't needit. 

  

And  At  Last   ... 

 

31. All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive,fattening or

married to someone else.

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The Guys' Rules

­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­Finally , the guys' side of the story.
I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear " the rules "
From the female side.


Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!



1. Men are NOT mind readers.


1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem.
See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria 's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation,
or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

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Employee Benefits

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Questions to George Bush

 George Bush goes to a primary school to give a speech.

After his talk he offers question time.

One little boy puts up his hand and George asks him what his name is.

 "Bob".

 "And what is your question, Bob?"

 "I have 3 questions.

 First, Why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?

 Second, Why are you President when Kerry got more votes?

 And third, What happened to Osama Bin Laden?

 Just then the bell rings for recess. George Bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess.

 When they resume, Bush says, "OK, where were we? Oh that's right - question time. Who has a question?"

 A different little boy puts up his hand .

 George points him out and asks him what his name is.

 "Steve"

 "And what is your question, Steve?"

 "I have 5 questions.

 First, Why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?

 Second, Why are you President when Kerry got more votes?

 Third, What happened to Osama Bin Laden?

 Fourth, Why did the recess bell go 20 minutes early?

 And fifth, Where is "Bob"? !!

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You are living in 2008

YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2008 when...

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of  3.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that theydon't have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone ishome to help you carry in the groceries.

7 Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turnaround to go and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile.
: )

12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

13. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

14. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list

AND NOW YOU ARE LAUGHING at yourself.

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Every husbands dream?

A woman awakes duringthe night to find that her husband was not in bed.

She goes downstairs to look for him.

She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front ofhim.

He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.

She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room.

"Why are you down here at this time of night?"

The husband looks up from his coffee,

"Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only18?" he asks solemnly.

"Yes I do" she replies.

The husband pauses; the words were not coming easily.

"Do you remember when your father caught us in the garden?"

"Yes! I remember" said the wife, lowering herself into a chair besidehim.

The husband continued.

"Do you remember when he showed the shotgun in my face and said,
'Either you marry my daughter, or I'll send you to jail for 20 years?"

"I remember that too" she replied softly. He wiped another tear fromhis cheek and said,



"I would have been released today!"   :( :(

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Why Men are never depressed

 

Men Are Just Happier People, What do you expect from such simple creatures?

Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

Chocolate is just another snack.

You can be President.

You can never be pregnant.

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.

You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

The world is your urinal.

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

Same work, more pay.

Wrinkles add character.

Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

One mood all the time! 

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

You know stuff about tanks.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

You can open all your own jars.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. 

Your underwear is $7.95 for a three-pack.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

You almost never have strap problems in public.

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

Everything on your face stays its original color.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, may be decades.

You only have to shave your face and neck. 

You can play with toys all your life.

One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.

You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.

You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. 

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes. 

No wonder men are happier.

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Opportunity in Adversity

A young wife, her boorish husband and a young good looking sailor were shipwrecked on an island. One morning, the sailor climbed a tall coconut tree and yelled, "Stop making love down there!" 

"What's the matter with you?" the husband said when the sailor climbed down. '"We weren't making love."

"Sorry," said the sailor, "From up there it looked like you were."

Every morning thereafter, the sailor scaled the same tree and yelled the same thing. Finally the husband decided to climb the tree and see for himself. With great difficulty, he made his way to the top.

The husband says to himself, "By golly he's right! It DOES look like they're making love down there!"

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Some T-Shirt Quotes

See and download the full gallery on posterous

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Girlfriend To Wife Upgrade

I have upgraded girlfriend to wife

 

 

 

What if u upgraded Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0  : )

Dear Tech Support Team:  

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0.

I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child-processes thattook up a lot of space and valuable resources.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all otherprograms and now monitors all other system activities.

Applications such as BachelorNights 10.3, Cricket 5.0, BeerWithBuddies7.5, and Outings 3.6 no longer runs, crashing the system whenever selected. Ican't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the backgroundwhile attempting to run my favorite applications.

I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 5.0 , but the 'uninstall'doesn't work on Wife 1.0.

 Please help!

 Thanks,
"A Troubled User"

 

 

 

REPLY:

 

 

 

Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that people complain about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0, thinkingthat   it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program.

Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creatorto   run EVERYTHING!! !

It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to  Girlfriend 5.0.

It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files fromthe   system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 5.0 because Wife 1.0 isdesigned   not to allow this. (Look in your Wife 1.0 Manual underWarnings-Alimony- Child Support) .

I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the  environment.

I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear"to   alleviate software augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the commandC:\APOLOGIZE   because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZEcommand before the  system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance.Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean 2.5, Sweep 3.0,Cook 1.5     and DoLaundry 4.2. However, be very carefulhow   you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system tolaunch the program NagNag 9.5 .

Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 isto purchase additional software. I recommend Sarees 2.1 and Jewellery 5.0

STATUTORY WARNING : DO NOT, under any circumstances, installSecretaryWithShortS kirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife1.0   and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck,
Tech Support

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