Nice way to reduce weight

One fat guy - sees an ad guaranteeing to reduce anyone's weight by 5, 10 or 20 kilograms on the first day.

So he goes and tells them he wants to lose 5 kg.

They lead him into a huge gym with all kinds of ropes and parallel bars and ladders and tell him to wait a minute.

He's standing there when on the far side of the gym a door opens and out steps a beautiful blond girl, with a sign saying " If you catch me, I'm yours ."

He starts running, and just as he gets close, she starts picking up speed.

Before he knows it, he's running all over the gym, up the ladders, down the ladders, across the parallel bars, here and there.

And just as he's about to catch the blond, pop, she disappears through a door.

In comes the management who lead him to the showers, and then weigh him.

Sure enough, he lost exactly 5 kg.

He's back on the street and starts to think.
" BOY , I was so close to catching her. If I had a little more time..."

So he races back to the gym and says, "I want to lose 20 more kg."

"No problem," says the manager.

Again he is led to the large gym. This time he's standing by the door.

When it opens out comes a Gorilla with a sign.
"If I catch you, you're mine."

 

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee………..

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Gmail security flaw exploited by hackers

Recently, I read an article where the author claimed that his domain was hacked and transferred to someone else and Gmail seems to be the culprit!

Apparently, the problem lies in the Filters that we have in Gmail. The hacker takes advantage of these filters...>>more>>.

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Long Prayer

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.

Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.

At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.

A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.

10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."

The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."

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Don't mess with them.

The FBI had an opening for an assassin.

 
After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists; two men and a woman.


For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.

"We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her!!"

The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife."
 
The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take yourwife and go home."
 
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes.  The man came out with tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can't kill my  wife."

The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and gohome."


Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room.

Shots were heard, one after another.  They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls.  After a few minutes, all was quiet.  The dooropened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow.

"This gun is loaded with blanks" she said.  "I had to beathim to death with the chair."

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Obedient Wife

 There was a man who had worked all his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real "miser" when it came to his money.

Just before he died, he said to his wife

"When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to  take my money to the afterlife with me."

And so he got his wife to promise him, with all of her heart, that when he died, she would put all of the money into the casket with him.

Well, he died.

He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there - dressed in black, and her friend was sitting next to her.  When they finished the ceremony, and just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said,

"Wait just a moment!"

She had a small metal box with her; she came over with the box  and put  it in the casket.

Then the undertakers locked the casket down and they rolled it away.

So her friend said,

"Girl, I know you were not fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband."

The loyal wife replied, "Listen, I cannot go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money into the casket with him."

"You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!?!?!?"

"I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account, and wrote him a cheque. If he can cash it, then he can spend it."

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Pricessless words!

A husband wakes up at home with a huge hangover.

He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table.

He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and

pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house.

He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table.

"Honey, breakfast is on the table, I left early to go grocery shopping.

Love You!"

Totally shocked with the note , he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper.

His son is also at the table, eating.

He asks, "Son, what happened last night?"

His son says, "Well, you came home around 3 AM, drunk and delirious.

Broke some crockery, puked in the hall, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door".

Confused, the man asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?

I should expect a big quarrel with her!"

His son replies, "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your clothes n shoes off, you said,

"LADY LEAVE ME ALONE! I'M MARRIED!"
 
 

Moral
Self-induced hangover - $ 400.00
Broken crockery - $ 800.00
Breakfast - $ 10.00
Saying the Right Thing While Drunk – "PRICELESS "
 
 
There are truly some things that both money and card  can't buy!

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Laws on girls

1.  If you think a girl is beautiful, she'll always have a boyfriend to confirm that.

2. The nicer she is, the quicker you will be dumped!!!!!

3. The more the makeup, worse the looks.

4. 95% of the girls in this world are beautiful. Remaining 5% would always be in your office.

5. The guy standing next to a beautiful girl can never be her brother.

6. If by any chance the girl you like, likes you too, she will let you know in about 10 years from now, when you are committed.

7. The more you ignore a girl, the more she'll want to be friends with you.

8. Theory of relativity :

The more you run towards a hot chick....the more she goes away from you...

9. Rule 1:

Even if you got her out alone, just when you are about to let her know about your feelings she will spot a long lost friend.

Corollary to rule 1:

The more desperate you are to tell your feelings to a girl on a private chat, the more probability the long lost friend she discovered is a handsome superman, who beats you in everything 9:1

10. The day the girl you really like comes and speaks to you will be the day when-

a. You are dressed badly

b. You forgot to brush your teeth for the first time in your life

c.Have a bad hair day

11. All the good girls are either nuns or married. The rest go around with you and ruin your money,health and leave you a total wreck.

12. The more seriously u like a girl, the more seriously her dad will hate you

13. The love you shower a girl with is directly proportional to the number of bullets her dad will be showering at you

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Truths Of Being SE

SE = Software Engineer

SSE = Senior Software Engineer

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Overconfidence !!!

It was the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher wasreceiving gifts from her pupils.

The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said,"I bet I know what it is. Flowers." "That's right!" the boysaid,

"But, how did you know?" "Oh, just a wild guess," she said.

The next pupil was the sweet shop owner's daughter. The teacher held her giftoverhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is. A box ofsweets."

"That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl. "Oh, justa wild guess," said the teacher.

The next gift was from the son of the liquor store owner. The teacher held thepackage overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop off the leakage withher finger and put it to her tongue. "Is it wine?" she asked.

"No," the boy replied, with some excitement. The teacher repeated theprocess, tasting a larger drop of the leakage. "Is it champagne?" sheasked.

"No," the boy replied, with more excitement. The teacher took onemore big taste before declaring, "I give up, what is it?"



With great glee, the boy replied, "It's a puppy!" 

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