Every husbands dream?

A woman awakes duringthe night to find that her husband was not in bed.

She goes downstairs to look for him.

She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front ofhim.

He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.

She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room.

"Why are you down here at this time of night?"

The husband looks up from his coffee,

"Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only18?" he asks solemnly.

"Yes I do" she replies.

The husband pauses; the words were not coming easily.

"Do you remember when your father caught us in the garden?"

"Yes! I remember" said the wife, lowering herself into a chair besidehim.

The husband continued.

"Do you remember when he showed the shotgun in my face and said,
'Either you marry my daughter, or I'll send you to jail for 20 years?"

"I remember that too" she replied softly. He wiped another tear fromhis cheek and said,



"I would have been released today!"   :( :(

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Why Men are never depressed

 

Men Are Just Happier People, What do you expect from such simple creatures?

Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

Chocolate is just another snack.

You can be President.

You can never be pregnant.

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.

You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

The world is your urinal.

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

Same work, more pay.

Wrinkles add character.

Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

One mood all the time! 

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

You know stuff about tanks.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

You can open all your own jars.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. 

Your underwear is $7.95 for a three-pack.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

You almost never have strap problems in public.

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

Everything on your face stays its original color.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, may be decades.

You only have to shave your face and neck. 

You can play with toys all your life.

One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.

You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.

You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. 

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes. 

No wonder men are happier.

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Opportunity in Adversity

A young wife, her boorish husband and a young good looking sailor were shipwrecked on an island. One morning, the sailor climbed a tall coconut tree and yelled, "Stop making love down there!" 

"What's the matter with you?" the husband said when the sailor climbed down. '"We weren't making love."

"Sorry," said the sailor, "From up there it looked like you were."

Every morning thereafter, the sailor scaled the same tree and yelled the same thing. Finally the husband decided to climb the tree and see for himself. With great difficulty, he made his way to the top.

The husband says to himself, "By golly he's right! It DOES look like they're making love down there!"

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Some T-Shirt Quotes

See and download the full gallery on posterous

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Girlfriend To Wife Upgrade

I have upgraded girlfriend to wife

 

 

 

What if u upgraded Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0  : )

Dear Tech Support Team:  

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0.

I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child-processes thattook up a lot of space and valuable resources.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all otherprograms and now monitors all other system activities.

Applications such as BachelorNights 10.3, Cricket 5.0, BeerWithBuddies7.5, and Outings 3.6 no longer runs, crashing the system whenever selected. Ican't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the backgroundwhile attempting to run my favorite applications.

I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 5.0 , but the 'uninstall'doesn't work on Wife 1.0.

 Please help!

 Thanks,
"A Troubled User"

 

 

 

REPLY:

 

 

 

Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that people complain about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0, thinkingthat   it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program.

Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creatorto   run EVERYTHING!! !

It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to  Girlfriend 5.0.

It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files fromthe   system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 5.0 because Wife 1.0 isdesigned   not to allow this. (Look in your Wife 1.0 Manual underWarnings-Alimony- Child Support) .

I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the  environment.

I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear"to   alleviate software augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the commandC:\APOLOGIZE   because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZEcommand before the  system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance.Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean 2.5, Sweep 3.0,Cook 1.5     and DoLaundry 4.2. However, be very carefulhow   you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system tolaunch the program NagNag 9.5 .

Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 isto purchase additional software. I recommend Sarees 2.1 and Jewellery 5.0

STATUTORY WARNING : DO NOT, under any circumstances, installSecretaryWithShortS kirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife1.0   and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck,
Tech Support

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Add static pages to Blogger blog

Do you have a blog at blogger.com ? If yes, than a lot of times you might have felt the need to have a page whithin your blog.

To check out details on how to add static pages to your blogger.com blogs, Go HERE.

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Mens Perspective

True is it?

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep
her.

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't
face each other, but still they stay together.

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a
bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.

The great question.... which I have not been able to answer... is, 'What
does a woman want? - Dumas

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.  

'Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a
restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and
dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.'

'There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic
banking. It's called marriage.'

'I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second
one didn't.'  

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.  

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it
once...

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted'. Next day he
received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: 'You can have
mine.'

First Guy (proudly): 'My wife's an angel!'
Second Guy: 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.'

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