Can you sell a dead donkey?

A city boy, Kenny, moved to the country and bought a donkey from an
old farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the
next day.

 The next day the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry son, but I have some
bad news, the donkey died last night."

 Kenny replied: "Well then, just give me my money back."

 The farmer said: "Can't do that. I went and spent it already."

 Kenny said: "OK then, just unload the donkey.."

  
The farmer asked: "What ya gonna do with him?"
Kenny: "I'm going to raffle him off." (Note: To raffle is to sell a
thing by lottery - draw lot - to a group of people each paying the
same amount for a ticket)

 Farmer: "You can't raffle off a dead donkey!"

  
Kenny: "Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead."

 A month later the farmer met up with Kenny and asked, "What happened
with that dead donkey?" Kenny: "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets
at two dollars apiece and made a profit of $898.00."

 Farmer: "Didn't anyone complain?"
Kenny: "Just the guy who won. So I gave him back his two dollars."

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Humour in Law!

____________________________________________

               ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
               WITNESS: Yes.
               ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
               WITNESS: I forget.
               ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
               ___________________________________________

               ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
               WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
               _________________________ ___________

               ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
               WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.
               ___________________________________________

               ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
               WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
               _________________________________________

               ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
               WITNESS: Yes.
               ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
               WITNESS: None.
               ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
               WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
               ____________________________________________

               ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
               WITNESS: By death.
               ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
               WITNESS: Take a guess.
               ____________________________________________

               ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
               WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
               ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
               WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
               _________________ ____________________

               ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
               WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
               ______________________________________

               ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
               WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
               _________________________________________

               ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
               WITNESS: Oral.
                _________________________________________
               ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
               WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
               ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
               WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
               ____________________________________________

               ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
               WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
               ______________________________________

               And the best for last:

               ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
               WITNESS: No.
               ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
               WITNESS: No.
               ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
               WITNESS: No.
               ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
               WITNESS: No.
               ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
               WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
               ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
               WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

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An Apt IT joke

Five cannibals (Man eaters) get appointed as programmers in an IT company.

During the welcoming ceremony the boss says: "You're all part of our team now. You can earn good money here, and you can go to the company canteen for something to eat. So don't trouble the other employees".

The cannibals promise not to trouble the other employees.

Four weeks later the boss returns and says: "You're all working very hard, and I'm very satisfied with all of you. One of our developers  has disappeared however. Do any of you know what happened to her?" The cannibals disown all knowledge of the missing developer. After the  boss has left, the leader of the cannibals says to the others: "Which  of you
idiots ate the developer?"

One of the cannibals raises his hand hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals says: "You FOOL! For four weeks we've been eating  team leaders, managers, and project managers and no one noticed anything, and now YOU ate one developer and it got noticed. So here after please don't eat a person who is working."

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4 Liquid stages of life

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The Great Indian Magic!

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One from Bangladesh, another from India and the third, from China.

They go with a White House official to examine the fence.
 
The Bangladesh contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil.
"Well", he says, "I figure the job will run about $900. ($400 for materials, $400 for my team and $100 profit for me)".
 
The Chinese contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says,
"I can do this job for $700. ($300 for materials, $300 for my team and $100 profit for me)".
 
The Indian contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$2,700."

The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"
The Indian contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from China to fix the fence."
 
"Done!" Replies the official.

 

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Right Brain Vs Left Brain

This totally spookes you out. Look at it with a couple of friends around. You'll be surprised to hear conflicting replies about the direction!

'The Brain'

Quite amazing!

 

                                    

THE Right Brain vs Left Brain test ... do you see the dancer turning clockwise or anti-clockwise?  

 If you see this woman turning in clockwise you are using your right brain
If you see it the other way, you are using left brain.  Some people do see both ways, but most people see it only one way.

See if you can make her go one way and then the other by shifting the brain's current.

BOTH DIRECTIONS CAN BE SEEN

Experimentation has shown that the two different sides, or hemispheres, of the brain are responsible for different manners of thinking. The following table illustrates the differences between left-brain and right-brain thinking:
a
Left Brain                       Right Brain

Logical                             Random
Sequential                       Intuitive
Rational                           Holistic
Analytical                         Synthesizing
Objective                         Subjective
Looks at Parts               Looks at wholes

 Most individuals have a distinct preference for one of these styles of thinking. Some, however, are more whole-brained and equally adept at both modes. In general, schools tend to favor left-brain modes of thinking, while downplaying the right-brain ones. Left-brain scholastic subjects focus on logical thinking, analysis, and accuracy. Right-brained subjects, on the other hand, focus on aesthetics, feeling, and creativity…

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How Much User Generated Content is Getting Produced Every Hour?

via labnol.org

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