Understanding Engineers

Take 1:

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said,
"Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday
minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike.
She took one look at me, threw the bike to the ground, took off all
her clothes and said to me, 'Take what you want' , so I did."

The second engineer nodded approvingly.

"Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."


Take 2

To the optimist, the glass is half full.

To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty.

To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.


Take 3

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?

Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil Engineers build targets.

Take 4

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the
possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical
engineer. Just look at all the joints."

Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system
has many thousands of electrical connections."

The last one said, "Actually it must have been a civil engineer. Who
else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

Take 5

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

Take 6

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was
better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said
he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an
enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his
mistress, because the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer
said, "I like both."

"Both?"

Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each
assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to
the lab and get some work done."

Take 7

An engineer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out to him
and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He
bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back
into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The
engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it
to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a
princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the
engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his
pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a
beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for a week and do
anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said, "Look,
I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girl friend, but a talking
frog, now that's cool."

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